Things are NOT always what they appear to be: a lesson from my teenage son

Is that a butt or an elbow? Would you even think to compare these two body parts? Both are so different; one is socially acceptable for exposure in the world and the other to be kept private. But strangely enough, if you take a picture of your elbow with your arm folded towards your body it looks very much like a butt. You might be wondering, “Gretchen, what are you talking about here?” Stay with me, here.

This all came to life when I was having dinner with my teenage son and his phone started buzzing fervently with text messages. He reached for his phone to turn off the notifications. Naturally, as a mother, I asked who was texting him and glanced at his phone. Right then a new photo popped up on the screen and it looked like a butt! You can imagine my assumption and the following words exchanged with my son. He laughed, and said, “Mom, this is not a picture of a butt it is an elbow.” What? I still don’t believe it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but still asked for proof. I needed evidence to change what I believed to be true.

Sure enough, a picture of a butt and an elbow can look the same. Who knew?

Things are not always what they appear to be.

How often do we approach our days making incorrect assumptions about our family members, friends, coworkers, kids, or random encounters? Many of these assumptions become real to us and part of our story. If we don’t have a conversation to learn what is and is not the truth at that moment, we decide what is the truth and move forward. We need evidence to change our thinking, but how can we get this?

Awareness is the first step. We need to be aware and mindful that other possibilities exist. When we approach our days with this mindset, we become open to other explanations. This may allow you to have a conversation with that friend or coworker to learn more and get the evidence to support or change your truth. The magic phrase I try and use which works for most situations is, “Help me understand…”.

Being open to being corrected is where you will learn and continue growing as a person.

While not all situations will provide the opportunity to have a conversation and learn if your assumption is correct or not, just by keeping in the mindset that things may not always be what they appear will open your heart and mind to other possibilities.